Brooks Behavioral Health Services
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Nuggets of Love

Falling in Love With Crazy

Everyone wants to be in a loving and caring relationship but it is not easy to find one. Everyone has an opinion why finding love is difficult while on the other hand some find or found it easy. Many people start relationships off on the wrong note due to their own insecurities or because of their partners issues. Most people don’t realize that they present as a different person at the beginning of a relationship because of their self-esteem. A person suffering from addiction usually don’t present themselves as an alcoholic or a drug addict unless it is going to benefit them. If the person notices that the new relationship might be different from any other relationship, the person might create a pseudo-identity so that they can win the person over.

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This pseudo-identity usually stays present until they have the other person in a position where they can not easily wiggle their self out of the relationship without being scarred. For example, an individual shows their real colors after finding out that a baby is on the way or making a large purchase that will keep them connected. This may seem strange but it is very common in relationships when one person is struggling with an addiction. This causes the other person to struggle between their brain or their heart. Individuals found to be on the other side of the relationship finds out that the person that they love is not real and it seems like a total lie.

Thinking that they may can change the person or stick around until they see the old person, sometimes is an event that will never come. Not saying it is impossible but it is definitely rare. One the other hand, some people think that they are choosing the right person but they wonder why all of their relationships ends the same way. The end is nothing like the beginning, the relationship has nasty arguments, broken items, name calling, and nearly ending in anger. If you rewind this relationship back to the beginning, it started off by talking on the phone at all times of the day or night, using every spare time for quality time, and the relationship usually evolved without even trying.

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So many times, people say how crazy their partner is in the relationship but the sad part is that the crazy side of the partner mimics some part of you. People suffering from relationship issues usually can be in a room full of people to choose from but when you find the person that you have so much in common with at the beginning will hate you at the ending.

Why is this?

Some people love falling in love with crazy. They might not admit it but their track record shows. Hitting, throwing, screaming, untrusting, or a little crazy are traits that cause some to run but some people run towards these character traits. What is the explanation of this phenomenon? Think about a puzzle piece, majority of puzzle pieces have 4 sides unless it is an end piece. One of the sides may be dormant, in denial, but the others connect to another piece of the puzzle. One might think or say that they have nothing in common with the crazy partner but in reality, their puzzle piece is a perfect match for crazy. Even though the individual has a few more sides, the one that connects with other people that are unlike yourself makes you feel whole inside.

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Most people have to learn how to be comfortable with themselves in totality in order to change the outcomes of their relationships. Doing the same things or picking the same type of people and expecting a different outcome is insanity. How does this situation correct itself, easy. The person looking for the relationship has to take appropriate risks that helps them connect with the part of them that may be difficult to present to other people. If you are a meek and mild person, you might have to push the comfortable character traits to the side or turn the puzzle piece around and connect with someone that loves your weaknesses as well as your strengths.

Once a person starts to connect all of the puzzle pieces together the big picture starts to emerge. When most people are in unhealthy relationships, they tend to isolate to the world and they only connect to one side of their puzzle piece. By showing all four sides in life allows people to see where you may fit in their life, the other person doesn’t have to feel like the rug is being pulled from under their feet and you don’t have to feel like your life is a secret. You are now open and honest while having a more healthy relationship from the beginning to the end which might weed out the crazies…

If you keep having bad relationships it's because you pick bad people. Your picker may be broken. Work on fixing your picker before connecting your puzzle piece.

David Brooks